Welcome Home, the stirring conclusion of the epic, 4 part round-robin tale!

Visionary stood awkwardly in the Mansion Library, trying his best to comfort the distraught bird on his shoulder. He had no idea that a raven even could sob. “I, uh… didn’t quite catch that…” Visionary noted delicately with a look to Fleabot for help. “It sounded kind of like Dan Drury dared admit he’s what’s best for me…”

“That’d be quite the plot twist” the tiny robot acknowledged.

“But is it really this upsetting?” the Regular asked. “I mean, as far as come-on lines go…”

“Don’t be an idiot!” the black bird bit back in her raspy voice. “I said Madame Jury declared me unfit for destiny!”

“Oh” Visionary observed. “Well, yes… that’s quite a bit different, isn’t it?”

“I’ve never liked her” Fleabot growled. “That Jury woman. I’m beginning to see why Lisa ran her over with her car.”

“Um… that was never proven to be the case…” the possibly fake man stated for the record. “Anyway, who cares what Jury declares? Who is she to judge?”

Quoth gave him a level look.

“What? I mean, aside from being some cosmic office holder named Jury…”

The raven let out another sob and buried her beak in the collar of his yellow coat.

“Oh come now…” Visionary said comfortingly. “It’s not the end of the world.”

The distraught raven choked. “Not the end of the world?! Didn’t you hear what I said?”

“Yeah… at least that second time you said it. So?”

“So? So?” the black bird squawked. “I’ve been cut off from Destiny! I have no place in the universe!”

“Yeah, okay, I get that…” Visionary noted. “So how is that any different than me?”

That brought the raven up short. “Er… what?”

“The very first time I ever met you, which you said was the second time you first met me, you said I had no purpose in the universe” Visionary reminded her. “Surplus to Destiny, you termed it. Unneeded in the grand scheme of things. As introductions go, it could have been a little friendlier, but it still wasn’t such a big deal.”

“But… but…”

“And now look at me… Things are going great!” He smiled. “Well, okay, I’m actually on a world under siege from some unimaginably evil threat intent on grinding all of humanity into the mud, but still…” He began to tick off his points on his fingers. “I’ve got friends, I’ve got family, I’ve even got a lighthouse for a roof over my head… admittedly it has a somewhat dodgy foundation, what with the way the entire building tends to wander off now and then, but it has lovely views…” He smiled and shrugged, slightly jostling the bird on his shoulder. “I’m pretty sure this is some version of the American dream.”

“I suppose he’s right” Fleabot agreed. “Though it might depend on what America ate just before bed.”

“Screw Destiny” Visionary argued. “It doesn’t matter how unfit you are for that. You want a judgment? Okay… I say the world’s a better place for having you in it, rather than flitting around outside the edges of things, chronicling stuff. You have friends, Quoth… we’ll save your spot in the universe no matter who tries to throw you out of the queue.”

The raven cocked her head to the side and swallowed to regain her composure. “That… means a lot to me, sir” she admitted with a sniff. “But I’m afraid it’s not that simple. I’m a construct of the Chronicler. Without my role as a Raven of Destiny, without my purpose… I’ll fade out of the narrative completely.

Visionary perked up. “Wait… so all you need is a job?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “Well, that’s easy enough…”

"And now, I shall dispatch my minions to dispose of the accursed
Venture brothers, once and for all!" Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove
shouted dramatically, in an atypically shrill voice. Dream had
dispensed with the orange and green Impossibilitium Silly Suit that he
wore as CrazySugarFreakBoy! to don a full-body butterfly-themed
supervillain outfit in black, yellow and orange, which included
curly-toed boots, dart-firing gauntlets, large wings affixed to a
harness which also supported thick shoulder and chest pads, a small
crown, and absurdly elongated artificial eyebrows and a beard.

"Nuh-uh, Monarch!" Griffin countered confidently, clad in his costume
of a buttoned-down short-sleeved shirt and a sweater-vest. "Our dad
will use his super-smarts to find you, and Brock Samson will beat you
up for being a bully!"

"I'm deploying the henchmen," April Alice Apple dutifully reported to
her boyfriend, affecting a gravelly, mock-masculine grumble as she
adjusted her all-pink Jacqueline Kennedy-inspired ensemble, complete
with a wig of bobbed black hair topped off by a pillbox hat, and
fetched Oliver Hastings and Iris Paintbrush Sunrise out of their
carriage.

Even after they were set down gently onto the floor next to Griffin
and Naari Magweed, Ollie and Iris simply continued to blink their wide
eyes, babble wordlessly at the big people around them, snuggle
sleepily against one another, and squirm within the soft fabric of the
footed pajamas that Sydney St. Sylvain had tailored to match Dream's
current butterfly-styled attire, albeit sans crowns and plus antennae,
red-lensed goggles and belted trunks.

"Ha!" Maggie retorted triumphantly, in her long-sleeved white shirt
and blue neckerchief. "You bad guys are no match for me and my
brother Dean!"

"Curses!" Dream railed nasally, shaking his fists ineffectually before
taking April's hand in his own. "Come, Doctor Girlfriend! We must
flee to my escape cocoon pod, which I have cleverly designed to
resemble this larger cocoon lair, within which it resides!"

"Um," Visionary began, his relatively blank expression nonetheless
betraying noticeable traces of both confusion and apprehension, as he
stood in the open doorway of Dream's room in the Lair Legion mansion.
"Do I want to know?"

April chuckled nervously, which tickled her raw vocal cords enough to
cause her to burst into a coughing fit. After she'd cleared her
throat and swallowed painfully, she smiled wincingly and twittered her
fingers in greeting. "We let the little sprouts watch some of the first
season of The Venture Bros. on DVD, but they loved it so much that
they wanted to play-act the show, too, so since we still had cosplay
gear left over from last con …"

"I am into costumed business, not costumed play," Dream quoted from
the series, still in character, before April covertly slapped the back
of his head.

"The Venture brothers are twins who are always having exciting
adventures, like me and Griffin, and their dad has all sorts of
amazing friends, just like you!" Maggie summarized breathlessly,
obviously oblivious to the less than flattering aspects of such a
comparison.

Griffin suddenly leaned over to whisper conspiratorially in Maggie's
ear, which caused her to break into a mischievous grin, mirroring the
smirk that had spread across her brother's face. With that, Maggie
and Griffin made "V" signs with the index and middle fingers of their
right hands, thrust their arms above their heads and touched their
fingertips together, as they exclaimed in unison, "GO TEAM VISIONARY!"

“How is she?” Hallie asked, materializing in the infirmary next to Flapjack. Marie Murcheson, former banshee and guardian of the Mansion, was lying in a hospital bed trailing tubes and cables to the equipment that monitored her ongoing comatose state.

“You tell me” the hunchback sighed, holding the frail human girl’s hand. “You’re wired into all of this again, aren’t you?”

“Yes” the holographic woman admitted, reaching out to smooth the hair back from the unconscious patent’s forehead. “There’s no hint of any change.”

“She’ll wake up” Flapjack insisted with conviction.

Hallie nodded. “Yes, she will. She’s always been far tougher than she looked.” She watched the woman’s chest rise and fall with the rhythm of the machines. “She saved my life you know. Back when I was first turned to flesh and was called by the Celestians to defend the mansion. I was something of a mess as a human…” she admitted thoughtfully. “I wonder how she’ll adjust to it again.”

“Third time’s the charm” the manservant answered cryptically. “So you’re glad to be back to your pixel-bottomed self then?”

She shot him a glance out of the corner of her eye. “There are… adjustments to make” she replied.

He nodded, but didn’t press the matter. “Where’d you stash the munchkins for the night?”

“Liu Xi was showing them her little attic hideaway, and when Vizh mentioned it was time to put them to bed, she somehow conjured up Vizh and Kerry’s old mansion quarters. They’re pretty much just as they had been--albeit down the hall and with twin beds for the kids. It gives them something to use until the lighthouse bedrooms are remodeled.” Hallie chewed her lips thoughtfully. “A pretty neat trick, considering that Citizen Z had moved into that suite and redecorated after Vizh left.”

“How’d the runts react to your newly glowing self? Did you give them the full light show? I always liked the one you did with the rainstorm indoors, but then that might be that you always insisted on making your shirt look all wet and clingy…”

“I haven’t showed them any of that” the holographic woman answered quickly. “The holographic displays, I mean. I thought they should have some time to settle in and adjust…”

“I see” the hunchback said, scratching himself indelicately. “That’s quite a load of bull.”

Hallie blinked. “What?”

“You’re avoiding those kids…” he insisted, squinting at her through his hairy eyebrows, “…because you’re worried about horning in on Miiri’s role.”

“No I’m not!”

“Yeah, sure… Then why didn’t you stick around with Vizh when we first got back?”

“I thought they needed time together as a family…”

“And as their mother...”

“I’m just the surrogate…”

“Yer the one that squeezed ‘em out” Flapjack observed. “In my book, once a kid’s been kicking you from the inside, that counts well enough. Look, as much as I hope to document it on film someday, I don’t claim to know much about the freaky threesome you, Vizh and Miiri have workin’ in regards to all of this… but don’t be stupid.” He turned back to Marie’s still form, lit by the many monitors. “You don’t pass up the chance to get to know someone special just ‘cause the timing isn’t what it could be. ‘Cause you don’t know how long you’ve got.”

Hallie sighed. “They still should get to know Miiri first…”

“Miiri isn’t here” he answered. “And those kids have waited long enough. Besides, you’re never going to steal her place… You haven’t the chest for it.”

Hallie shot him a look. “You always know just what to say” she muttered sarcastically.

“Charm is very important…” Flapjack leered with mock bow. “I won’t always be able to get by on just my looks.”

At length, Magweed took refuge in her bedroom. Suddenly discovering that she had a father and two mothers (to be honest, one more parent than she would have expected) had been wonderful. Discovering that she had an entire extended family had been overwhelming (a good word for some of the members of the family).

She was happy. Really. She just needed a little time on her own.

This world was strange and new, and very different to the forest she knew. She found herself missing her animal friends quite badly.

There was a scratching noise at the door. It slowly opened, and a small, ginger, furry, foul-smelling creature slinked in. It looked quite neglected, and badly in need of a bath.
The creature looked at her hopefully…

* * *

In the mean time, Griffon was experimenting with his abilities. Specifically, he was being invisible, intangible and in the kitchen, with the intention of investigating the strange artefact called “a fridge”. He reached for the handle…

“Not a good idea.” commented a voice. He spun round guiltily, and saw the dark-skinned, white robed priestess he had been introduced to earlier. She wasn’t any less scary now.

“How did...”

“…I see you? I looked.”

“Well…” he said hesitantly, as he crept towards the door, treading on a creaky floorboard in front of the doorway. Ah, he thought. That’s how she noticed me.

“Wassup?” asked Trickshot, breezing into the kitchen. “Talking to yourself again, Ebony? That’s a sign of madness!”

“Occupational hazard.” Ebony smiled, bringing her attention back to her hot chocolate.

* * *

“He’s lovely!” exclaimed Hallie, looking at the transformed creature. Cleaned, bathed, combed and emblazoned with pink ribbons round collar and tail, tied in bows.
Lisa’s cat, on the other hand, was fuming. And just as soon as it was being held by someone corporeal who hadn’t been gifted with the friendship of small animals, there would be hell to pay.

“Why don’t you take him to show Visionary?”

The cat approved of this. Somebody was going to pay.

Visionary sat in the Lair Legion Monitor Room. He assured himself that he had chosen this room to sit in to give Katarina Allen a break rather than any need to look in on his kids after their long night of exploring the mansion. He would never admit that the room had almost a security blanket effect; seeing as he’d spent a sizeable portion of his adult life there.

    “Keeping an eye on the kids?”

    Vizh spun in his chair to see Hatman standing in the doorway, his head notably bare. “I take it you’ve found some uber-powerful toupee?” asked the possibly fake man.

    “Streamlining,” said the Capped Crusader in explanation.

    “Beats combat stilettos,” conceded Vizh.

    An uncomfortable silence came over them. The last these two men had met the leader of the Lair Legion had implored the Regular to seek out his stolen daughter without the aid of earth’s greatest heroes. Now that Visionary had returned, the fact he had gone off to Faerie without them had truly dawned upon them.

    Hatman broke the silence. “So you did it.”

    Vizh leaned back in his chair. “Better late than never, right?”

    The silence came again.

    “Are you angry with me?”

    The Regular looked up at the leader of the Lair Legion. “I don’t know yet.” He rose to his feet. “There were times, while we were in Faerie, that I was mad. I couldn’t help but think that Donar could have smote this, or Lisa could talk her way out of that, or Enty could have blown that thing up. My one power is my address book and it was denied to me.”

    Hatman stood there, his head hung low. “And I was the one who talked you out of taking them,” he said softly.

    “Yeah. You were.”

    Hatman twisted the black cap in his hands. “If you hate me now, then fine, I guess I deserve it. You were robbed of 11 years with your children and maybe if you’d taken the whole team you would have found them sooner. I just want you to know that there wasn’t a day I didn’t question what I told you, a day I didn’t want to go after you.”

    Hatman fell silent then, waiting to see what the Regular would say, clutching the cap in his hands. He didn’t know what else to do.

    Finally he spoke. “I don’t hate you Jay. You were right. The important thing is we found them.” He looked around at the room they stood in. “And you kept your word.”

    Hatman put his Hatman cap back on his head. “Well, it’s been pretty touch and go I’ll admit, but now you’re back I can sit back and let things implode, right?”

    “Well, I think the polite thing to do would be wait until Miiri and the rest get back,” suggested Visionary.

    Hatman looked at the Regular sharply. “They’re not back? I just thought I hadn’t seen them in all the commotion around here.”

    “We got separated. Don’t worry, they’ll be back.”

    Hatman wasn’t sure whom Visionary was trying to reassure.

    A thought struck the Capped Crusader. “Does Miiri know about Griffin?”

    “She will,” swore Visionary.

    “Damn straight she will,” agreed Hatman. “No mother should ever not know her son.”

    “So I guess I’m holding you to your promise a little longer, “ said Visionary.

    “I’ll do my best,” said Hatman.

    “Besides, it’s up to the Sleeping Hero to save the day,” said Vizh, letting a wry grin come to his face. “Why didn’t you tell the kids that was you? I’m sure they would have been impressed.”

    “How do you know about that?” asked Hatman. He patted the Communicard in his pocket. “Was Hallie-?”

    “No, not at all,” Vizh assured him. His face took on a thoughtful expression. “Well, not that I’m aware of. No, the kids have been breathlessly telling me about all their adventures. They told me about the Sleeping Hero story. So why not tell them?”

    “Why don’t you tell kids that Santa doesn’t exist? Griff believes that the Sleeping Hero will stop the Parody Master. You want me to tell him that this legend he believes in is in way over his head? That he has to make more and more decisions he questions in private but can’t afford to in public? I can’t do that to him.”

    “Now you know why I hated being the leader so much,” said the possibly fake man.

    “How do you cope with it? The weight of the entire world on your shoulders?” asked the younger Legionnaire.

    Visionary didn’t need to think over his answer.

“That’s what friends are for.”

Sir Mumphrey Wilton settled down on the wing-backed armchair between the children’s beds and hefted a volume in his arms. “So,” he asked Magweed and Griffin, “are you sitting comfortably?”

“Yes thank you,” Magweed said politely. A story at bedtime was another new experience and she was determined to enjoy it.

“Yes,” agreed Griffin. The feel of sheets on pyjamas on skin was new to a boy who had spent the first eleven years of his life intangible and invisible.

“Then I’ll begin,” the eccentric Englishman Emilyounced. He smoothed his old-fashioned whiskers and picked a tale, “Once upon a time there was a lad named Jack…”

“Oooh, I know him!” interrupted Griffin. “He lived down the lane. You can’t trust him. That dodgy deal he did with the cow and the beans and the golden egg? Totally criminal. That poor golden harp is still in litigation.”

“Er, right,” responded Mumphrey. “Well, perhaps not that one. Um, have you perchance heard of Red Riding Hood?”

Magweed had received Griff’s reports. “Oh yes. She’s the hussy that ran off with the woodsman after a so-called wolf ate her grandmother, right? Woodshedgate, as they called it.”

“Maybe not then,” considered Mumphrey, leafing onwards. “Hmph.” He passed over whatever revelations the children might have on Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and tried again. “Scheherazade? The Thousand and One Tales? Maybe not. Too young.” Mumph had been brought up on Sir Richard Burton’s translations that retained a number of elements not well suited for modern children’s ears. “Sleeping Beauty?”

“That poor girl,” Magweed said sadly.

Mumphrey laid the book aside. “Right,” he sighed. “I can see that fairy tales aren’t the thing here, what? And I suppose cricketing anecdotes won’t do the trick either. So then…”

Magweed and Griffin perked up attentively.

“Once upon a time there was a band of heroes called the Lair Legion, the oddest assortment of characters you could ever wish to see. And one day a wicked villain called Peter Von Doom decided to do away with them by means of his wicked laughing ray. Well, of course, as villains do, he’d overlooked one tiny detail. So it was that as Visionary was driving home one night in his Pinto of Doom…”

The Gothenmander lunged, foam speckling its giant jaws as it sought to crush the little girl’s leg between cruel, pointed teeth.

Magweed squealed, and leapt to the next highest branch in the tree, just when the huge beast bit into the one she had been standing on, sending splinters and bark flying as it plummeted back to the forest floor.

“You’re doing good Maggie!” Griffin called, perched at the top of the tree, his wings flapping in agitation and his claws clutching the branches above her. “Keep climbing! I can see our house from here!”

A bright green light swept through the treetops above, and Magweed redoubled her efforts. Snotlocker howled in fury and tore at the trunk of the tree with his gaping maw. The vibrations increased up the length of the pine, and Maggie clung to a branch with all her strength. In horror, she watched as her one arm withered and twisted, until she no longer had the power to maintain her grip. With a triumphant roar, the gothenmander slapped the side of the tree with his tail, dislodging her completely, and sending her screaming body tumbling down towards his ravening jaws below…

____________________

Maggie gasped and shuddered as her body hit the sheets of the bed. The last image she could recall had been the beam of green light sweeping her up just before she crashed to the ground...

“It’s okay, honey… it was just a dream” a voice said.

Magweed blinked and looked around the unfamiliar room before remembering. Before remembering that she was far from the enchanted woods, and Auntie’s cabin, and the ravening gothenmanders. Before remembering that she was in a house full of heroes and family. Before remembering…

“Mom?” the little girl asked.

“One of them” Hallie admitted warmly. “You were having a nightmare.”

Maggie squinted at her in the dimly lit room, realizing that she could see the woman quite clearly. “You really are glowing!”

“I do that sometimes” the A.I. admitted. “I’m actually made of light.” She glanced over to the other bed, where the girl’s twin brother remained fast asleep. “I see Griffin has adjusted admirably to being a real boy.”

“He snores now” Magweed confided. “Loudly.”

“I noticed” the holographic woman answered with a smile, ruffling the slumbering boy’s hair. Griffin snorted briefly, but that was as close as he came to stirring. “You know, when I first became human, I had a lot of trouble sleeping…” Hallie admitted.

“Did our papa snore too?” she asked.

“Well, yes… but we weren’t… That’s not really the reason.”

“So what was it?”

Hallie blushed. “I… had never slept before. Never shut my mind down, let my consciousness go. I was scared… Not just of the nightmares I had. I was scared that my mind wouldn’t come back.” She noted the look of alarm on the young girl’s face. “That’s not how it works, naturally… but that didn’t stop me from being afraid anyway.”

Maggie drew her pajama clad legs up to her chest and rested her head upon her knees. “What did stop you from being scared?”

“My friends” Hallie remembered warmly. “They came and sat with me every night, and they knew that eventually sleep would catch me off guard if they just kept me distracted. They kept the fear away and made the nightmares more bearable.”

“You have good friends” Maggie agreed, smiling. “Why had you never slept before? Don’t all people sleep… at least when they’re babies?”

“I had never been a baby…” the hologram told her. “I was… kind of like Griffin. Something of an imaginary friend. First, people could only hear me, and then later I learned a way to let people see me as well. Now, I can touch things… sort of.”

“Sort of?” she asked, remembering the hugs her surrogate mother had given her.

Hallie held out her hand. “Go ahead.”

Maggie reached out curiously with her good hand. The green skin of the woman’s arm felt soft and warm to the touch, but it was different… there was an undercurrent to it, making goosebumps break out on the young girl’s arms. She grinned. “That’s really neat!”

“You know slang words like “neat”?” Hallie asked, obviously pleased with the comment.

“Griffin uses it all the time” the little princess noted. “He knows all sorts of things.”

Hallie cast another glance at the sleeping twin. “Yes, we’re looking into that.”

“He’s not in trouble, is he?” Magweed asked, worried that she had tattled on her brother.

“Neither of you will ever be in any trouble for simply being who you are” Hallie assured the girl. “If anyone tries to assert otherwise, then the problem lies with them, and they’ll have to go through your parents and our friends to get to our little Naari or Griffin.”

That comforted her, as from what little she had seen today, there was something akin to an army in this house alone. “Naari is what my other mother named me, isn’t it?” Maggie asked. “The one who’s an astronaut.”

“Er… She’s a what now?” Hallie blinked.

“Papa said she had traveled the stars, and Griffin says that people who travel out to the stars are called astronauts” she sounded out the new word carefully. “He says they get big parades when they come home, where people line up and cheer.” She smiled proudly.

Hallie nodded slowly. “Well, I… suppose that’s true. Hmmmm. I guess we’ll have to see about a parade when she gets back then, don’t you think?”

Magweed thought that idea sounded wonderful, and said so. “What’s she like?” she asked shyly. “Our other mother?”

The holographic woman contemplated it for a bit, and then reached a decision. “Would you like to see her?” she asked finally. “I can create… illusions, I suppose you’d call them. I’d like to think I’m pretty good at it. And I remember things very well.”

The little girl nodded silently, unsure of what to expect, but eager (and even a bit scared) to see.

The light grew in the corner of the room, and another world faded into view. It was some kind of tavern room, with tables and chairs occupied by all manner of faerie creatures. All of them stared in rapt attention as another figure took the stage… a green woman in a flowing crimson cloak.

“Is… is that her?” Maggie breathed. “She’s so beautiful…”

“She is, isn’t she?” Hallie nodded softly. “She really is.”

And then Miiri sang to her Most Beloved In All the World, and Naari forgot about all the questions and mysteries that her new life had brought to her, and it was enough just to know that she was loved.

By the faint light of her two mothers, sleep gradually crept up on the Princess Magweed, and any gothenmanders were kept at far at bay for the rest of the night.

Griffin awoke with a snort as sunlight streamed through the window. “Ew” he noted, wiping away the line of drool that was running down his cheek. That kind of thing would never happen had he a proper, respectable beak. He had no idea how long he had been sleeping, but he was pretty sure this waking thing was to be avoided for as long as possible. Confirming that Maggie was still curled up in her own bed, he threw off his covers and made his way to the window to pull closed the heavy drapes.

That’s when he noticed the well groomed bird perched on the window sill outside.

“Well?” it asked briskly. “Throw open the window. I’ve been tapping at it for the past three minutes. It’s past time you two were up.”

Griffin blinked and turned to look to his sister, who was stirring and rubbing the sleep from her own eyes. Turning back to the window, he did as the crow insisted.

“That’s raven, if you don’t mind” it informed him crisply, fluttering inside to perch on the dresser. She puffed herself up, covered her beak to politely clear her throat, and began. “Hello children. I will be your new governess… You may call me Miss Quoth, or Ma’am if you prefer.”

“You’re a bird” Griffin noted.

“Ah, good…” Quoth replied laconically. “We’ve identified which of you is the smart one.”

Griffin puzzled over that one, casting a look to his sister. “Wait, do you mean me, or…”

“It will be my duty to see to your wider education and training for the roles you may have to fulfill later in life. As you may have deduced from your recent adventures, you happen to be part of a large, sprawling family that is both tightly knit and tangled inexorably in the greater weave of the Parodyverse narrative. So we can’t have the two of you growing up to make a mess out of the workings of the universe, now can we?”

“Um… no? …Ma’am.” Magweed guessed.

“Indeed” Quoth approved as she paced back and forth across the dresser. “Now, you should know, I’m not exactly… cuddly. If you want a nanny, or a babysitter… someone to kiss your bruises, hug you close and read to you overly-cheerful stories of a dubious intellectual value, well… you seem to have no shortage of mothers, aunts, uncles, friends and extended family for such things. Should you skin your knee and still choose to come to me, I’m afraid at most I will happily show you how to bandage it to avoid bleeding to death.”

“That would be good too” Maggie agreed judiciously.

Griffin remained unconvinced. “Just what kinds of things are you here to teach us? Aside from the not-bleeding-to-death variety” he asked. “I already know a whole lot.”

“Yes, you’re a fountain of random knowledge, aren’t you? Your surrogate mother likely downloaded at least ten versions of classified “Trivial Pursuit” into your head.” The shining black raven stretched. “You were both raised in a completely different world from this one… one with its own set of rules. Now you find yourselves in this reality, which seems bafflingly different from all that you knew before. Your biological mother hails from yet another world, far across the stars. And betwixt and between all of these are countless more worlds, planes, dimensions, realities…” She paused. “Well, Trandimensional geography can wait until after lunch. The point being, what you think you know is only the barest sliver of what waits to be learned.”

“And how do you know so much?” Griffin argued stubbornly. Fletcher owl had always come across as a self-important blowhard to him, no matter how well meaning Maggie insisted he actually was. Apparently, flying above people tended to give birds delusions of grandeur.

“I assure you, my qualifications are quite impeccable” Miss Quoth informed him. “Hence the reason your farther hired me to see to your adjustment and education in all facets of the Parodyverse.”

“Our father hired you?” Maggie asked, belatedly remembering to add “Ma’am?”

“Yes… Your father and I have worked before, in fact. He was briefly the Chronicler of Stories, while I assisted him as his head Raven, guiding him through the process.”

Griffin raised an eyebrow, wondering just how old birds lived to be. “You taught our dad?”

“It was an… educational experience for both of us” she answered cryptically. “And that solemn duty was my whole life, until recently. Your father helped me realize something though… Chronicles, even the most thorough Chronicles of the Parodyverse, are ultimately stories… and stories must be told to have a purpose. Therefore, stories and those that tell them must have an audience. Those that do not fade away and are lost forever.”

“And we’re the audience?” Griffin guessed.

“Indeed” Quoth answered, pleased.

“And we have to keep the Parodyverse from fading away and being lost forever?” Magweed gulped.

“Perhaps” the raven answered simply. “The rest of the people in this house do it on a near daily basis. I suspect your lineage will lead you down the same route. Had you wanted an easier role in life, you should have put in for a change of venue and a request for a downgrade in parents before being incarnated.”

The twins exchanged baffled looks.

“No one ever reads the fine print of their existence contracts” the bird muttered to herself. “I wouldn’t overly worry, however… I believe this current batch can keep the universe twirling long enough for you two to report downstairs and get some breakfast. You're going clothes shopping with Dancer, and then you have a lot to learn today before your much more reasonable bedtime arrives, so the schedule doesn’t leave time for this much morning dilly-dallying.”

“Er… yes, Ma’am” the children replied, confused but curious.

The raven managed to smile brightly with her beak as she looked upon the two of them. “Since your father is so fond of cliché, let me take this moment to welcome you to the first day of the rest of your lives…” she offered with a polite bob of her head. “I can assure you, with your family and friends, they’re going to be quite remarkable lives indeed.”

the end/beginning

Author's note: My thanks to everyone who participated, and everyone who read and welcomed Maggie and Griffin into the Parodyverse. The creativity bouncing back and forth between collaborators is a big part of what makes the PV experience so satisfying to participate in, and I thought it was on grand display in all the writing that was submitted for the chapter! Excellent job everyone, and thanks again for all the fun!

Post By by Visionary, CrazySugarFreakBoy!, the Manga Shoggoth, Hatman and the Hooded Hood Sun Sep 24, 2006 at 12:26:45 pm EDT	Subject Welcome Home, the stirring conclusion of the epic, 4 part round-robin tale!

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